What is a comma splice, and why is it an abomination?
Editing punctuation for clarity
The Short Story
A comma splice is when you connect two independent clauses (complete thoughts) with a comma but leave out the connecting word. Either add a suitable coordinating conjunction to make it a complete sentence or swap out the comma for a semicolon, em dash, period, or set of parentheses.
The Real(ist) Story
Sometimes, the creative inspiration pours out of the writer’s mind with such ferocity and speed, the minimal separation of a comma between thoughts seems apt, or at least the best to be done, in the moment. I think this happens frequently. No personal judgment on the writer who commits such an infraction, but it highlights the need to copyedit afterward.
Or maybe a speck of dust on the screen makes the writer think he or she has, in fact, typed a semicolon. This sounds a bit like “the warg ate my homework,” but I’ve been there (the speck, not the warg).
Then again, perhaps the writer is a literary hipster trying to mess with the rules ironically or, worse, push the buttons of stodgy grammarians.
Or the writer may suffer an overwhelming feeling of oppression at the thought of more authoritarian punctuation marks. The milquetoast ambiguity of a comma seems less offensive.
Of course, it could be that the progressive educational system of the past century has failed our society utterly (a verdict not incompatible with some of those other hypotheticals).
Whatever the root of the evil, comma splices are chaos. They’re abominations spawned in demonic laboratories, which you’ll find in the deepest pits of the constipated bowels of linguistic hell. If you think otherwise, I submit that it’s time you review the acceptable uses of the various punctuation marks—and edit your gorram sentence.
These three things are true: 2 + 2 doesn’t equal 5. You can’t decide unilaterally to pronounce a like z. And a comma is a versatile, respectable punctuation mark with many uses, none of which includes, on its lonesome, connecting two independent clauses.
Levity aside, conventions exist and are maintained for a reason. Most of us, as readers, are trained to recognize the normal uses of a comma. Therefore, putting a comma where a harder break is called for will make many of your readers stumble unnecessarily. The comma may signal their brains may to look for a continuing series (list) of clauses that doesn’t exist. When the sentence ends after the second item, they may question themselves and feel compelled to reread the whole thing.
May I suggest these fine, decisive alternatives that fit neatly within the conventions of written English and human decency:
a comma with a coordinating conjunction (and, or, but, for, yet, so). A, and B.
a semicolon, which resembles a (spliced-together) comma and period but is an entirely civilized, elegant option for combining independent clauses. A;B.
an em dash, to indicate a break in a sharper and less formal way. A–B.
parentheses, if the second clause could be more of an afterthought or aside. A (B).
a period, establishing two separate sentences for the two thoughts. A. B.
Story Time
Let’s pretend medieval monks wrote in English (today’s English, even) and used modern (or any) punctuation.
One day, the practical jester of a scriptorium (you know there must have been a joker in every scriptorium) peered over the shoulder of the most faithful scribe, hard at work. “Behold, a griffin!” the jester cried, whereupon his diligent brother spared a curious glance out the arched window.
The imp seized the moment. He produced a quill from the folds of his robes and with one swift stroke, perverted a full stop (period) on his brother’s vellum to a comma. The manuscript, thus desecrated, read as follows:
Godwin and Gytha went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Godwin fell down and broke his crown and Gytha came tumbling after.
Upon dusting off this manuscript many centuries later, we may redeem it with one of these revisions:
Godwin and Gytha went up the hill to fetch a pail of water; Godwin fell down and broke his crown and Gytha came tumbling after.
Godwin and Gytha went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Godwin fell down and broke his crown and Gytha came tumbling after.
In this instance, an em dash or parentheses would be valid options, technically speaking, but they wouldn’t make for sound logic.
Godspeed and happy rewriting!